Got a very bad dream this morning.

The dream begins with a call from Dafei saying his car was damaged or something happens with his license. I called Agui and said, well, there’s something wrong with the car of a friend of mine. Gui says, ah, really? Why not you come to my office?

In the next scene of this dream I was driving a red “car” in China. The reason why I quotes car is because it is a so called car. It is in very vivid red, and it is so small that I can lift it by hand. In the dream, this car is given by Wangyi’s mom, and in the reality, she has a yellow beetle. Gui follows me, he is in a yellow car of the same style as mine. Once, one of my friends told me, dream should always be black and white. However, it is true that some of my dreams are with colors. But most of the time, I can only remember red and yellow, some times pink.

We were in a typical Chinese market– noisy, crowded and chaotic. On the way, he asked, whose car is in trouble? I said: Dafei’s. He shook his head. Yeah… Dafei’s car… aren’t the two of them are closed friends?

I followed Gui to his office, and he asked me to wait in the lobby. I just wated, waited and waited. It seems he was so busy that day and forget me waiting outside of his office. Well, this police station is a small place as the police station that we can see in some remote area in China. There’re some people out side the police station chatting and playing Majiang.

Gui is still busy with his own stuff, so I just went out, and an elder lady was talking about the issue that some people want to rent an apartment in this area. It’s a peaceful place, and the traffic is very convenient. Suddenly, I became very nervous and regretful, how should I be in China? What a terrible choice that I has made, I came back just because of some ridiculous reason. Do I need to go back home and see my parents? I feel so worried and I wish I could be back in Canada as soon as possible, but I have no money with me, I can’t afford a ticket to go back to Canada. I just feel so tense and was stuffed with fear. Then, I told myself, don’t worry, take it easy, it’s just a dream, just a dream, you will be in Canada as soon as you wake up. But, the dream seems so virtual, I can feel the sound, the rhythm, the color, the atmosphere of a real China. In the dream, I told myself it was just a dream, don’t be so worried about it, and I forced myself to wake up. It was really difficult to force yourself waking up during your dream.

At last, I did it, feel so released while opening my eyes and found myself lying on the bed in my room in Canada.

自从我决定从MBA转到本科去读电影之后，就有很多中国同学凑过来问我关于退学和转专业的事。无疑，大部分来问我问题的人都在MBA呆的很不快乐。当我向他们解释过后，这些同学都表明我做了一个正确且勇敢的选择，随后，每一个人，我记得没有错，的的确确是每一个人，都会问我同一个问题：哦，这个读出来有什么用？

每当遇到这样的问题，我都会觉得羞愧难当，因为我从来没有问过自己这个问题，更不知道它的答案在哪里。是啊，这个读出来有什么用？我紧张地问自己，有什么用？有什么用？有什么用？有什么用？有什么用～用～用～用用～～

“这个读出来有什么用？”

好吧，让我们冷静下来，分析一下这个句子：
“这个”指电影，也就是说，我的同学问我：“电影读出来有什么用？”

为了便于我们理解，这个疑问句可以被拆分成两个句子：你读电影。你用读来的电影做什么？

我来告诉你。猪养出来是可以用来吃的，但是读书不是养猪。你问我“这个读出来有什么用？”我无从回答。道理很简单，读书本来就不是拿来用的，读电影也不是。养猪尚且可以致富，但是所有的人都知道“书中自有黄金屋”不过是古代帝王用来愚弄百姓的屁话罢了。所以，以后不要再问我这样的问题了，如果你再问的话，我会说，啊，那答案呀，它就在风中飘！

20几岁，本该是一个充满梦想，无所畏惧的年纪。“十八岁出门远行”，当“二十岁的烛光映在你柔美的脸上”的时候，你是应该“开始了流浪的旅程”的。可是有多少中国的孩子，从小到大便要分辨干什么是有用的，干什么是没有用的。十八岁的时候便硬逼着自己去大学里念个自己不喜欢的专业，以便以后能有个安稳的生活；等到了二十岁，他们便又要开始为担心自己找不到好的工作而发愁，为担心自己嫁不到好的老公而发愁，为自己日益不再年轻的容颜，逐渐衰退的体力而发愁。

我早就说过，许多的中国人是没有青春的。我实在想不通现在的年轻人为什么都变得这样一副怂样子，从小在家怕父母，在学校怕老师，长大了之后，明明自己是个大学生，研究生甚至是博士，本该是个社会精英的，到了单位里面还要对着那些个大腹便便不学无术的所谓的领导低声下气。张口闭口就是一套又一套的政治语言。最近就流行一句——“乳摸”。每当外国人谈及六四，谈及法伦，谈及达籁，中国学生都只回一个词“rumor”。同学，就算是人家编个故事出来，那也是要费好大力气收集好多资料采访过好多当事人的好不好。可你呢，故事也不听，看个标题，就甩人家两个字“乳摸”⋯⋯哎⋯⋯甚至有人对wall的解释也是为了防止美国政府散布对中国政府不利的乳摸⋯⋯可怜的美国政府啊⋯⋯你招谁惹谁了⋯⋯在这样的社会里，上级永远压迫下级，老子永远奴役小子。我们从小被教导对父母要孝，对兄姊要悌。每见到一个爸爸妈妈的熟人便要被逼迫着叫阿姨，叫叔叔，叫爷爷叫奶奶。你还要被告知，二十岁就要有二十岁的样子，三十岁的时候便要让自己的人生安稳下来，四十岁的时候就不要想东想西了，活到了70岁，都快死了的时候，才能“从心所欲”，末了，还非要哆哆嗦嗦地告诫自己一句要“不逾矩”哦！⋯⋯他妈的你都七十岁了，还没有干过一件疯狂的事，你活着还有什么意思，求求你把自己掐死好吗？毛不该这么早死，文革革的还不够彻底，明明说要打倒孔老二的，可是千百年留存下来的那么多的珍贵的文化烧的被烧，撕的被撕，而孔家的老二却还依旧屹立不倒，依旧能够气势汹汹地挺进中国社会的阴道。高考前夕，我每天背一句《论语》，然后看几页《文化苦旅》。现在，我终于发现了二者之间的联系。孔仲尼不就是一个古时候的余秋雨吗？只可惜，那个年岁，“装逼”这个词还没有开始流行。

我从小对自己的道德品行都很没有自信，我常常略带羞怯地劝告别人，不要学我，我是个被社会大众摈弃的坏榜样。现在，我却很想对我身边的人们说，有的时候你们也可以竖起一根中指，气愤地说：“去他妈的，老子豁出去了，爱谁谁！”然后，甩手，扭头，走人。多有风度，多帅气！

还有，我为什么不在中国共产党认定的博客托管商写博，blogbus呀，blogcn呀，sina呀，QQ空间啊，不都是很好的嘛，却偏偏要跑去那个什么个blogspot，wordpress？一开始我也想不通，觉得自己特别stubborn。不过，现在我终于想通了，他妈的，你不是要和谐吗？我就是偏偏不和你妥协！

啊～卡而马克斯，我虔诚地祈祷，让共产主义早一日到来吧，让我的兄弟姐妹都能够选择自己喜欢的工作与生活吧，让那些肮脏的关于功名与利禄的价值观都统统消亡吧，让我的同胞都能够更有尊严地生活吧！